The Death Of a Love Letter - How Can I Explain To You My Fear of The Future?

The Death of a Love Letter

To keep it sentimental,

Death is terrifying.

But 

So is losing everything.

They’re one in the same, really.

So why aren’t we as scared of losing everything as we are of death?

Is it because death is inevitable?

Or have we simply ignored the other?

I drag my childhood behind me like a dead body, it’s flesh deteriorating, but never quite rotting.

It still sings sometimes, but now at this age I’m shamed for it. 

I can't control when it wants to crawl.

Sometimes I think it misses the moments it never had.

I’ve held onto so many things in my life.

Things like love,

The fulfillment of being with another person and keeping them as safe as you’ve wanted to feel your entire life.

You give them what you were never given.

It’s another thing you don’t let go.

Your chains collect,

Each person leaves a piece of themselves behind with you.

Not willingly, no. Their heart is still theirs.

But within your mind they reside, if anything they’re still taking, screaming at you that you’re wrong for being yourself.

Have they really given you anything more than experience in heartbreak?

Are you even afraid to get hurt anymore?

Everyone you meet you hand off your heart to; you cling on desperately and you hate letting go.

Once you learn though - and I’m sure you have, letting go will get easier. 

You’ll learn to be accepting.

You need to fill that hole somehow,

Grab love’s cheap copy and drink up.

There’s only so much to go around until you reach the bottom of the bottle.

The warmth running through you, it reminds you of the butterflies you used to feel - but it isn’t them.

 It won’t ever be them and you still need to come to terms with that don’t you? 

Learn to live by yourself.

Learn to be content with this life, make it bend to your will.

It doesn’t last forever. 

Everything of the person I used to know is gone.

I need to stop dwelling on the things I can no longer change.