A fond clandestine to a 'friend'

What if she thinks so, but just doesn't say it. To find some beautiful place to get lost; I don't understand. Your painted pictures of a promised land are blatantly dismissed. 

Comparing me to an atom is generosity compared to whom I wish I was. My anger will never subside; I am sorry but I can not live up to your expectations of me. 

This matter rests heavily on my suffocated heart. Biologically, my chest comforts the organ but you do not. Without intention of course. Yet the connotations of the noun imply warmth; a conceptualisation of love is entertained. But these feelings never change a bit; I will be of no use to you. I can make you sad as fuck in everything you do. Contamination is defined as the act of polluting - you will be impure. 

I can only express how I feel about you in one word: ineffable. Your individuality can't be fathomed through the mind of an unfortunate person who hasn't encountered you; who does not perceive you. Persons piss me off. Everyday regulars just living their life can raise high emotions of aggression, compelling a maniac version of myself I cannot control. 

You are the exception. 

The anomaly. 

Abnormality. 

Do you make me bizarre?

This writing ends here. Not through boredom or even another necessary use of my time, but through the constraints of life. I have been brought back down from the intergalactic fantasy of eternal bliss. Reality without any remorse, has once again grasped me with its awfully smothering arms.

The irony can't define how I feel towards the notions of 'freedom'. I live a very desirable lifestyle - presumed by some. However, I cannot constantly wander throughout the day without the constant threat of internally crashing. I will not state my life troubles; it has no purpose. Such complexities are found in persons; the restrictive nature of 'freedom' with how we are able to actually course our lives. 

Appreciation for my love of humans shan't be ignored either. 

Seven sins:

Envy, Greed, Wrath, Gluttony, Sloth, Pride, Vainglory. 

All factors are present within humankind. Voyeurism is crucial to building our relations with others. 

My relation in consideration won't be soiled. Our relationship, as it always has, will be a continuous cycle of this great inner conflict. 

Affection? No. 

Attachment? Not particularly

Desire? Complicated. If you define it as an emotion felt towards a longing for someone's presence, I will confess. But involving anything further haunts me; the foundation I have built for the last five years will crumble.

"I don't want to know where you are" - Elliott Smith