I’m never picking up a bible again.

Bible, there are tons of crazy stories and teachings that are super important to Christians. It's divided into two parts, the Old Testament and the New Testament, with 39 books and 27 books, respectively. Christians believe that the Bible is God's word, and it serves as the foundation of their faith.

The Old Testament kicks off with the book of Genesis, which tells the story of Adam and Eve and the creation of the world. Then there's Exodus, which follows the Israelites as they escape from slavery in Egypt. Leviticus has a bunch of rules and regulations about religious stuff and social behavior, while Numbers covers the Israelites' travels through the wilderness. Finally, Deuteronomy has Moses' speeches, including the famous Ten Commandments.

The historical books of the Old Testament are all about the Israelites' journey, from entering the Promised Land to the Babylonian exile. You've got Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1 and 2 Samuel, 1 and 2 Kings, 1 and 2 Chronicles, Ezra, and Nehemiah.

The poetry and wisdom books in the Old Testament are Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Solomon. These books contain prayers, religious poetry, and teachings on ethics and morality.

The prophetic books of the Old Testament contain messages from God's prophets, warning the Israelites of judgment and calling them to repentance. You've got Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations, Ezekiel, and the twelve minor prophets.

The New Testament is all about Jesus Christ. The four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) tell his story, including his life, teachings, death, and resurrection. The book of Acts covers the early Christian church and the work of the apostles.

The letters in the New Testament were written by different Christian leaders to individuals and communities, containing teachings on doctrine, ethics, and advice for living a Christian life. You've got Romans, 1 and 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, 1 and 2 Thessalonians, 1 and 2 Timothy, Titus, Philemon, Hebrews, James, 1 and 2 Peter, 1, 2, and 3 John, and Jude.

Finally, there's the book of Revelation, which has all these crazy visions and prophecies about the end of the world and the second coming of Christ.

Throughout the Bible, there are a ton of themes that are super important to Christians. One of the biggest is the idea that salvation comes through faith in Jesus Christ. John 3:16 sums it up pretty well: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Another big theme is sin and redemption. According to the Bible, all humans are sinners and need to be redeemed. Romans 3:23 says it best: "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

The Bible also teaches about the importance of love and compassion towards others. Jesus himself said that you should "love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:39).

Forgiveness is also super important in the Bible, both seeking it and giving it. The Lord's Prayer includes the line "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."

The Bible's got a ton of stories and parables that illustrate some important themes. For instance, there's this parable about a dude called the prodigal son, who bounces from his dad's crib and spends all his inheritance before finally coming back home, where his pops welcomes him with open arms.

Another big idea in the Bible is all about God's sovereignty and his grand plan for humanity. You can see this play out in the story of Joseph from the book of Genesis. His bros sell him into slavery, but he rises up to become a top dog in Egypt and saves his whole family and the whole nation from starving.

But hold up, there's more! The Bible also teaches us to live right and stay on the path of goodness. It warns us about the dangers of temptation and sin. Proverbs 4:23 tells us to "guard your heart above all else, for everything you do flows from it."