memory leak

ill admit that old people losing it isn't exactly funny all the way. it's horrible for their family, it's sad to see as an outsider, and the thought that it can and likely will happen to us all one day is nothing short of terrifying. but! when you have to deal with them all day at a nursing home it starts to get A Bit Silly so here I am to spin these otherwise depressing events for you sickos waiting to laugh at 90 year olds :P

first im gonna have to tell you a little about Esther. mean old lady with a mean family who is really convinced she has no mental problems whatsoever. (families like this are REALLY annoying. they refuse to get meds and then yell at us when their senior is, in fact, crazy) she's often wearing a quilt, and she'll retroactively see things - she won't actively hallucinate, but her recent memories will have… really strange quirks to them. like she'll tell me that there is a very large spider in her room that she feeds lettuce, but if you're in her room with her, she won't say anything out of the ordinary about her surroundings if that makes sense

she also has a dog! two things about this dog - he has a very special name. the most special name in fact as he shares a name with me! lucas the dog. incredible. second thing about this dog is that someone with this level of brain function should not be taking care of an animal

so anyway. our hero is dragging lucas along from her room to the lobby for the millionth time today, and she sees some delicious chocolate chip cookies (the kitchen bakes cookies for the residents every day at 2 o clock sharp) and wants nothing more than to grab one. of course, generous as she is, she's not grabbing a cookie for herself - it's for her very hungry dog! now admittedly I was not paying any attention to her, so she was able to get ahold of a cookie. but before she started to give it to lucas, I took notice

"hey, esther" i said loudly "are you sure lucas should be having that?"

"well yes of course. he is very hungry, you see. his roommate has been eating all his food."

Now this was quite puzzling. esther has a roommate, but esther also doesn't even have any food in her room, let alone for the dog. I press further

"his roommate? the dog has a roommate?"

"oh yes. not my roommate, she's much too big. lucas's roommate is much smaller."

"is lucas's roommate a dog?"

"well. wouldn't you like to know!" (she makes a face similar to a wild toad) "now please excuse me, he is quite hungry."

before I have a chance to stop her from terminally poisoning her poor dog with chocolate, she bends over and…. puts the cookie in the trash. 'interesting turn of events,' I thought. 'now I can go back to not doing my job in peace.'

little did I know shit was about to get so. Much. Worse

little ms Esther picks up lucas and. fucking. puts him in the trash!!! im not kidding dood. I tried to stop her but I was too busy laughing my ass off

after retrieving the poor bastard from his putrid abode, i give the leash to esther and she just walks him back to her room like nothing happened. along the way I can hear her talking to herself about her parents 

the parents thing kind of gets me sometimes , there's a few residents who start rambling about their parents when they're tired or whatever. it would be a lot more sad if they didn't talk about them the same way a like. 9 year old would tho lol

but! there's one story out of the way. this one happened today so it was pretty fresh in the memory. but there's many old stories for me to get to, so stay tuned: many other residents to have adventures with! some of them have similar memory issues but many are just. old and funny. for consistencies sake and out of respect, I will never tell a story about a resident that isn't around anymore, so keep that in mind :P