I’m going to start posting chapters of my book on here because why not

Chapter 1

TW: self harm, bulimia, emetmaphobia anorexia and suicide/overdose.

Shaking and terrified, I arrived at the hospital my mouth still tasting like vomit, my face even more pale than ever. It hurt to be alive. I took a deep breath and opened the door. I trudged my way to the reception desk. “I have an appointment to get my blood drawn.” I mumbled zombie like. The receptionist asked me the usual questions and pointed to the direction to the waiting room. I took a seat. “Raven?” A lovely voice called out. I gulped as I  stood up. I took a seat in the doctors office. I refused to look up at her as I knew the heaps of embarrassment that was to come, not my first rodeo, I could already feel the glaring eyes pricing into my skin. “Can you please roll up your sleeve for me.” My eyes started to water and everything started to blur and became shaky. I must of started crying based off of the response, “what’s wrong, are you afraid of needles?” I take off my glasses and wipe my eyes dreading what was to come. “I have a cat,” my voice began to shake, “ a v-very aggressive cat” a look of confusing laid in her eyes before swiftly responding with “its alright, you don’t have to lie to me.” My face began to go red and I repeated my last phrase to which I got a similar response. Again I said “I’ve got a c-cat, it’s just cat scratches I swear.” The doctor reassured me that it it was ok and one again asked me to roll up my sleeve. “It just cat scratches I swear I yell before rolling up my sleeve. A pause “I’ve got a very aggressive cat.” I say un sure if I was trying to reassure her or my myself. “I c-can see that.” She responded. “Just take my blood so I can go home!”I yell through tears before I can stop myself. Afterwards I stumbled back to the reception. “ where is the nearest bathroom?” I ask, I’m pointed in the right direction. I stumbled into the first stall and kneel on the floor. I purge. I shove my fingers down my throat, vomit trickling down my arm into the toilet bowl. Then I blackout. I wake up in a hospital gown surrounded by two doctors and one of my roommates. I look down. The hospital gown has short sleeves. Fuck. I started to panic. I scream at the top of my lungs, but I try try to calm my self down. I quickly cover my arms with the blanket. “They’re just cat scratches I promise.” I say my eyes starting to tear up. The first doctor looked at me like I was stupid. “It’s alright, we see stuff like this all time.” Of course they do I really am stupid. I asked why I’m here. “We found you passed out knelt over the toilet bowl. We have reason to believe that you induced yourself to vomit.” A look of both shock and confusion came onto my face. “ why’d you think that?” I blurted out with a nervous chuckle. “Because your arm and your fingers where covered in vomit.” She said ever so calmly as if she didn’t just say that I purged. This was so humiliating, not only do total strangers know i self harm but they now know I purge as well. “Why am I here?” I asked. “We just want to keep you here for a few days to monitor your food intake and make sure you make a speedy recovery. This is completely optional but we recommend you talk to a therapist about your eating disorder and your self harm. We also have prescribed you some antidepressants which we think will help. We recommend you take them with the food in front of you. We will give you some privacy while you eat.” They all exit, closing the door behind them. I decided I wasn’t going to touch my food. Instead I poor out 6 tablets into my hand, swallow them and go to sleep. I wake up to a nurse in my room and a pool of vomit. “What happened here?” The nurse asked. “ I don’t know.” I whisper, “I don’t remember.” The nurse just stands there in confusion. Suddenly it all comes back to me. “ I o-overdosed.” I cry. The nurse’s hands cover her open mouth. “Where’s my pencil sharpener!?” I yell. The nurse looked a bit shaken. “What have you done!?” I yell, through tears. “It’s in your drawer she says stumbling over her words. Tears start to roll down my face. “Get out!” I yell. She freezes. “Out!” I yell as she stumbled out of the room.