Idk if my friend is ghosting me and it sucks cuz they're the only one I have left

Rant because I'm sad now and therapy isn't now.

We both deal with depression and various other mental health issues, when I'm particularly sad I'm usually clingy depressed, when they're particularly sad they're usually social withdrawal depressed. We also live in different time zones and they still go to school while I don't so it can make things kinda hard, especially given that I'm the one with zero social environment and they're the one forced into a very social environment which doesn't fit us. I've dealt with social withdrawal due to depression myself so I try to be understanding because I know what it feels like and that it usually sucks but I just can't tolerate their lack of communication. Not that they don't have the energy to call me or anything, I get that. It's just I have a lot of prior experience with abusive friendship dynamics and one in particular purposely taught me not to communicate in order to guilt and control me. I'm working really hard at feeling safe communicating my feelings in a healthy way and when I'm putting in that effort and then being left in the dark it makes me extremely anxious about what the other person is feeling and it feeds into my RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria). All I need is a little "I'm not feeling great rn emotionally and I just need a little space" and I can internalize that. Silence without warning is not okay for me, it makes me not feel great emotionally. Plus even when they felt motivated enough to message me we barely did anything together. I'd always be trying to make plans and they were constantly too busy, which is fine on its own, but if your schedule is so difficult I feel like you should then be the one telling me when we should make plans instead of just rejecting me all the time because again it feeds into my RSD. And the few times when I actually suggested hanging out and they said they could, they almost always had something come up at the last second. Growing up autistic I've had a lot of experience with things like this. I mask when I first meet people because otherwise I get excluded and bullied, then when we get closer and I feel safe I start to be more and more myself, then they decide I'm weird and they don't like me but they feel uncomfortable just saying that because they think it's rude. The end result is that they slowly ice me out by being passive-aggressive, not including me in plans, conveniently never being available, subtle stuff like that. I'm autistic though, so it takes me literally forever to understand that means that they don't want me around, I'd much rather you just tell me I'm not your friend anymore. So I told them all of this, how I was feeling, what they'd done that made me feel that way, prior experiences that affect me, and I said that I don't blame them if I'm just not a good fit to be their friend because not everyone can be friends but I need them to say it outright. They actually already knew a lot of this though so it was kinda frustrating. I told them I felt like the amount of effort we were both putting in wasn't equal which is not okay to me considering that we've been friends for quite a while now. In the end, they acknowledged everything I said and apologized. They explained their reasoning and how they were dealing with a depressive episode, which I figured was the case, and they said that they just needed a little bit of space away from socializing in general and that they'd message me when they were okay to talk again. This is not the first time they've needed this and I've also asked for this from them before so I totally get it and we agreed to that. But that was in January. I haven't heard a single thing from them since January. I've seen them go online on Discord and Steam, and I've seen several Twitch notifications (they're a streamer), but I haven't seen or heard from them at all. I figured out of respect I probably shouldn't click on their stream when they're live but this literally sucks so much. Like generally in the past all these actions have meant that the person doesn't like me anymore but I literally told them that and I told them that if that's the case they need to just tell me and I won't be offended. They said that it wasn't that. I don't want to think that they needlessly lied to me at that moment because that would make them an inconsiderate asshole but I don't really know what else to think because it's never been like this between us. I've been thinking about just asking but if they did lie to me they'd probably do it again and if they didn't then they might feel like I don't trust them or something. I mean the unfortunate fact is that I have a hard time trusting anyone but whenever you say that people take you as rude and unloving. It's not my fault it's something that I'm trying to fix but trauma doesn't just go away overnight. I feel like I've reached my limit with people. Like when I had that conversation with them I should've just said this isn't working and I'm done instead of trying to fix it. I'm always trying to fix it and nobody ever wants to fix it as much as I do. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I wish any of these people who've left me would just tell me what's broken so I could fix it. Everyone always expects you to read between the lines but I'm literally incapable. At this point, it feels like associating with people on a deeper level than acquaintance only leads to confusion and disappointment. Maybe I should just stop trying.