Anxiety sucks - should I stay in bed and reinstall TikTok? (I can't trust myself anymore)

Howdy,

do you ever find yourself at 23 being picked up by your parents at 10:20pm feeling a nonsensical feeling of dread that you've done something wrong? Do you frantically delete TikTok at midnight that same night because you've seen one too many tarot readings that keep talking about a person talking behind your back, hexing you, and another person desperately wanting to come back to your life which will come true this very Wednesday (I do have a fucking reminder set on my phone)? And then you get heart palpitations, and you fall asleep and wake up every two hours, thinking about the dread of the morning and the things you want to do but still don't really want to do.

Maybe I shouldn't have called off work this week to "rest" - what is rest anyway? Without university classes or teaching English on Zoom to people older than me I don't really have to do anything. And that drives me nuts. How am I supposed to not do anything? How am I supposed to just e x i s t ?

Frankly speaking, it is 11am and this day did not start in a good I-am-going-to-stretch-myself-and-grab-my-vitamins-while-dancing-to-Abba-on-my-record-player way. It started more in a: I don't want to get up, also, this book that I'm reading (Solitaire by Alice Osman) is calling me out for rarely being happy and excited by life. But I know that I have to push through and be especially nice to myself. 

Here is my be-gone-anxiety to-do list (yeah, I know I am a notion addict and that I am on a to-do-list rehab because of my OCD but today a checklist is a necessity. I could actually fuck a good to-do list. Tenderly. While singing Tenacious D's Fuck Her Gently.)

- eat breakfast - tea and five cigarettes are not enough 

- try not to stress about money because that paycheck is coming in in two days so YOU DON'T HAVE TO STRESS OUT ABOUT BEING HOMELESS

- make some progress on Solitaire, maybe read it outside on the grass and try to get that Big D (vitamin D) you pale Edward Cullen fuck

- finish watching Palm Springs because Adam Sandberg has a nice, pleasant face

- be nice to your inner child and play some L.A. Noir trying not to wreck 3 cars in a row and hit bystanders when the mobs are chasing you out of the film studio 

- be like that man from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and plan a trip to Iceland, or just hop on a plane, or start writing your book. Whatever. Just do. Something. 

- maybe a bit of self-care? Those bangs need trimming or I'm gonna turn my resting-bitch-face into a Samara. And that's gonna make people be friends with me even less.

- make that cute cottage-core save for your wife in Sims! Although you hate building houses!

Don't know how this day is going to go, but for sure it's gonna be a challenge. Either I'm gonna stay in bed rewatching Game of Thrones or actually take a shower. 

Let's see where the day takes us.

Peace out, queers