24.04 - 30.04 sum-up

Howdy friends,

this week has been kinda tough, not gonna sugar-coat it to be honest. Sometimes I forget that studying, working two jobs, and trying to maintain a social life while also having time for myself is a challenge. But here I am, at 23, trying to figure this sh*t out (pardon my French). Most of the days I feel like screaming How can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22? into the void, like my mother Taylor Swift taught me. But it's fine, somehow I'm going to get through that.

The only thing that is suffering is my sleeping schedule. You can only guess how much time I have only for me, myself, and I (the introverted and socially anxious part of me need it). None, nada, zero, noll (not sure the last one is even a word in any language). This is why I try to squeeze in some me-time in-between big pockets of time. That means reading romances on public transport, watching an episode of a tvshow while getting ready for university classes, and watching John Mulaney stand up until midnight after I finish work at 9pm. Yeah. Haven't been sleeping that well.

Still managed to consume some good pieces of culture tho. Well, depends on what you define by "good" but my mushy mushy brain can only handle SO much thinking after working for an entire day - nothing mentally stimulating to be honest. 

My movie log:

Quite a few re-watches this week but other than that, a peculiar, quite nice mix.

1. Call Me by Your Name (2017) re-watch count: 6; 24.04

Yes, I decided to start the week by kicking myself in the guts. I watch this film at least once a year and every time it's different. It feels like it's changing with me to be honest because some scenes just mean something different, hit the different feels, the different traumas in life. Woke up in need of something cathartic and missing this one person so of course I jumped on the "emotional breakdown train" that leaves a station in Northern Italy JUST TO FEEL SOMETHING. 

I think for the first time this time it truly hit me how fleeting moments with people are. How easy it is for them to be gone before you even know it. I think that it's not the harsh, sudden break-ups with people that hurt the most. The slow, drifting apart process is even worse.

2. We Can Be Heroes (2020); 25.04

After traumatizing my brain even more with Call Me by Your Name I needed a break. What says it better than Pedro Pascal in a superhero suit and cringe family-friendly drama? I hope they make 10 more and give Pedrito more screen time cause this man is literally the only thing that keeps my anxiety at bay (also, his moon sign is Capricorn, so he has many similarities to my wife, a proud Cap herself).

3. The Evil Dead (1981) re-watch count: 2; 26.04

Because this week was inevitably leading to the new premieer of Evil Dead in the cinema, I had to brush up on my facts and refresh my poorly-functioning brain because of the stimulus overload I provide it each day! It was just as silly and delightful as I remembered it to be. Might even say, Groovy. Also, squeezed that in between university classes and my work. 

4. John Mulaney: Baby J (2023); 26.04

Because The Evil Dead wasn't enough I had to go to sleep even later and on the very first day very carefully approached the first out-of-rehab stand-up of John Mulaney. He is delightful in every way, owning up to the drama. Also, gave me a crush course on how to get drugs and which grandparent I consider the least important. I will not admit if I came to a conclusive answer.

5. Evil Dead Rise (2023); 28.04

Cool effects and the best advertisement for never getting pregnant and having children! This would be perfect for my MA. Sorry for it to be released so late :/ Also, it could be more violent to be honest but I don't know if I'm just out of touch with how violent films can be. Other than that, a nice film to relax to which also has demonic mothers meditating in front of your door. 

6. The Bubble (2022) re-watch count: 2; 30.04

Only re-watched that because my wife is on her period and she needed a pick me up in form of a Pedro Pascal and Karen. 

My reading log:

Call Me by Your Name - Andre Aciman; re-read: 3

currently: pg. 120

a very painful re-read done for my work with trauma so excuse me if I take my time with it <3 Doing lots of annotating to get my head into the right place, frankly speaking.

Book Lovers - Emily Henry:

finished

swallowed this one in two days, mostly read it on a public transport, during very boring classes and in-between work. 4-stars just for allowing my brain to rest during a harsh time. 

Goodreads review is:

i love romances. but i can't read them. i'm too emotionally unstable for that.

at my friend who also read this: yes, this is predictable but also lovingly predictably unpredictable. because i for sure did not expect to be so invested and to cry at the end.

***

During the next week probably gonna make some progress on Solitaire which I just started and to get my hands on a new novel by T.J. Klune which I pre-ordered three weeks ago! *gremlin laughter*

Also, no TV show log this week cause I literally only watched one episode of You season 3 cause I'm still in the grieving period after Narcos. Rest In Peace Javier Pena (although you didn't die). 

I also thought that I might do some manifestations at the end of each week to claim good energy into my life so... For the next week I manifest:

- lots of good sleep - I literally need to stop staring at my TV until 1am

- nice weather for reading outside on a grass 

- a very needed conversation and conclusion 

Enjoy your next week pals! Leaving you with the song of the week:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmXO6ubblIA

xoxo, mar