my life as a giant isopod

today i was on call with my boyfriend and some of his friends as they played videogames as usual, staying quiet and keeping to myself because i don't know them well and my innate shakespearian eloquence gets eaten by a shark whenever i think in their general direction.

one of them which turned out to be some rando from years back or something kept trying to talk to me and making weird comments that lead me to believe that he'd never talked to someone of the opposite gender in his entire life. kept trying to mess with me as a joke and asking my bf to offer him encouragement to hyping him up and leaving notes on my user description that he would send to other people in the call. 

i was bothered that he was asking me questions that i couldn't respond to, not that i wanted to respond but i physically could not make a sound. i don't usually struggle with going nonverbal or didn't think that i could though i'm pretty sure its happened many times before. it was frustrating, more so that he kept going while i could not speak even if i didn't want to, so i left the call.

this got me thinking!!!! i wouldn't be expected to respond to people if i were a giant isopod. sure, being a human is vastly satisfying, the whole life experience is only flawed due to the presence of other humans and it's impossible to deny that we are ingenious. however, if i were a giant isopod and born as one i wouldn't know the satisfactions of humanity and instead be absorbed in my own simple life of survival and small joys such as eating meat.

as a giant isopod i would be able to crawl on land still even though i would be primarily a marine creature, i could be cute and large and round and scuttle around on many legs. i could live out my life peacefully besides my few predators out to get my delicious buggy flesh but they'd have to get past my shell and my ferocity first. i could attack larger animals by latching on to their faces and eating it off the skull if i ever felt bold enough. people wouldn't go around asking me stupid questions because i wouldn't be able to understand them, let alone respond.

however, as of now, since i have lived out the majority of my life as a human (sadly?) i am accustomed to the luxuries of humanity such as cookies and my boyfriend. to part with such things would deeply sadden me and maybe even drive me insane within my small grey carapace prison. 

as a solution i have decided that i would like to be able to shapeshift into one of these wonderful creatures while retaining my human mental traits, like a harry potter animagus or DND wildshape. whenever i run into an inconvenience i that can be solved in this way i would turn into a giant isopod and simply cope like that. certainly only the people close to me will know i have this ability to avoid government capture and scientific testing unless this is a widespread phenomenon, but it'll be comforting to know that they know how i feel in the moment as i isopod my way out of a situation.

even as a nonverbal creature people will be able to understand me better than they do while i'm a human, and i'll be in a form that brings me comfort. it's a win-win.