I finally deleted everything.

I just don't want to remember it anymore. 

Right, um... This has nothing to do with what I posted earlier. I was just having a moment, remembering a good friend. Still kinda sad from all that, but I decided to try and channel my energy into something a bit more productive. 

The whole Seattle thing (again, not at all related to my friend or what I posted earlier) really just makes me feel sick and guilty. Every time I open up my gallery and see that folder I just feel sick. I haven't wanted to open it up and look through the photos at all. 

When I did look through them, it was quickly, because I just felt unhappy looking at all of them. It doesn't matter how nice the pictures are, they don't make me feel good. I'm tired of telling myself to just "get over it", because I don't want to remember it anymore. 

I deleted the entire album. I feel so much better now. It's like I can breathe a little easier. I'm not forcing myself to be okay with something that I'm not okay with. 

I did that a long time ago, too, but to a lesser extent. There was this beautiful animal sanctuary with a nature trail and a lake. I took a lot of pictures, but I ended up deleting all of them because I had bad memories of the place. 

Basically, my mom had a massive meltdown and started to scream at me, shame me, and berate me right there on the trail. I've only ever felt so scared a handful of times while being yelled at by a parent, and that was one of those times. 

I started to feel like I was going to pass out, I had a massive panic attack and felt like nothing was real, and like I wanted to just leave my body and escape her. It was a terrible day, so I deleted all the photos I took of the place and we never went back. 

So, with the Seattle thing. Considering I was extremely sick and probably almost died there, I would really rather not remember such an ugly thing.