public journal: entry 1

so ive decided to start a little public internet journal because first of all, im low on zaza and need something to distract me and second of all, because i want to try and start doing more productive things other than sleep, smoke and game. even though possibly no one will see this, i think that starting this might be able to help me do better at school and just be a better daughter and shit. anyway, today i really didn't do much. my sleep schedule is so fucked up like, i wake up at 7pm-1am and end up sleeping around noon-ish. i stay up all morning playing video games, making paintings and whatever else i decide is worth my time. honestly i think its cause i never really have anyone to hang out with or talk to both irl and online. i always feel like the odd one out whenever im in a group of people. i want to have the life that ive always dreamed of but thats proving to be impossible. i want friends that will do everything with me and take care of me. friends who know me inside and out. i want a friend group. right now, like yeah i do have friends, around 4 close ones, ones that know me inside and out, but they arent the type to hang out irl. one of them lives in australia, one of them just got diagnosed with cancer and only really hangs out with her bf, one of them is my ex who is honestly just a lazy ass mf and the last one is the guy ive been talking to who's gonna end up moving to the uk soon. and once again, i will be alone. i just feel like im constantly alone. thats why i sleep all day. i really have the hardest time making friends and i never know how to keep them when i do. please help me out if you can. give me advice, dm me, whatever you think will help me out please do. thank you and remember someone out there loves you

xx tsuki