strike!!! and the musical ending

today was the last run of the play b4 the set got torn down which meant i was at school from 12 to 6 lmao 

at one point during strike (for people who dont know thats what we call dismantling the set) we were trying to walk down this really tall wall and halfway down it fucking broke and FOLDED IN HALF it almost hit at least ten people and actually hit one guy in the head and he bled a little bit… 

then later because i hadnt eaten AT ALL i stood up and my vision went completely black i probably looked like i was gonna pass out. so after that i decided to just sit even though i felt useless 

i also got to keep a prop FUN!! the musical was a spelling bee and i grabbed one of the papers with a number that actors wore around their necks im gonna put it on my wall later

this production was really stressful probably the most stressful one ive done (even counting chicago that was really difficult but so so good) but im still sad that its over like always. what i think sucks the absolute most about a production ending is that its not a recording i can come back to whenever i want, so once its over im never ever hearing or seeing our schools version of it again. it doesnt matter how many times i listen to a studio recording, i will always want to hear MY actors singing those songs. theyre just the best, my school has some fucking amazing singers and its always a treat to get to sit in the sound booth and listen to them because its actually my job. 

i found that working on a musical is like a practice in mindfulness. it forces me to think about the present second and the present second only because every moment is fleeting and simultaneously coming at me so fast. whether im putting aside a mistake i made, or focusing in balancing a bunch of voices, or reveling in the ballad, the most important thing for everyone is always the now and theres no other option to think about. its like meditation that isnt meditation. 

anyway im excited for next years productions. im only gonna get to do two more before i graduate :(