Logging days 8!

Hi guys, no one really reads these but they're like a personal diary. I've been ok kind of upset though I mean the bullyings got bad again and I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't tell my mother she's too stressed already, my brother has his own problems, my sister too and god I feel so alone in this. I told some friends and they helped a bit! but sadly there's only so much online friends can do. I'm so tired of it all yk. Why can't they just leave me be? It's not my fault I'm autistic I don't want to be it's ruining my life and relationships. Nothing ever goes my way and i can never understand anything it's INFURIATING I'm so left out and outcast for something i can't control. I don't wanna be ND it's a shitty experience I've gotten bullied all my life and yk because I'm AFAB I've been told I'm faking or it's just hormones and knowing I'll only get a diagnosis when I'm older whilst my brother got one at 4 is horrible. Just because I was a girl a birth i get 0 diagnoses I'm left to rot. They wont even diagnose my anxiety or give me therapy because apparently it's all my 'hormones' and I'll get over it soon all girls do! No I fucking won't. I have horrible paranoia and anxiety why don't you care it's controlling my life it's not my damn hormones shut the fuck up. Whatever I'm just so UGH.