forgotten face on a missing poster

more poetry. hope you enjoy !!

sometimes, when i'm in bed at night

when the cicadas are chirping incessantly, desperate to be heard

and when the moonlight filters through the broken blinds of the window

i think about what the people at home are saying about me

i wonder if they've finally decided that i'm dead yet,

forgotten about me completely

or if a solemn few are still holding out hope that i'm wandering around in the woods of michigan somewhere

a little girl who's lost her way

"she'll come home soon," they'll say, as their eyes glance back and forth from the clock to the calendar,

"it's only a stunt. girls like that only do it for attention. you remember the mailman Jones's girl? she was only gone for a week. didn't even go far, anyway."

i think it's the latter though,

since i don't think many people liked me very much

nobody at school will be talking about my disappearance

because they don't even know i existed

only the 50 something year olds of the town will notice

murmuring over the daily newspaper and cups of coffee going cold

"i always knew that girl was trouble," one of the older ladies will say to her friends at their weekly bridge game,

"it was only a matter of time. i saw the devil in her, you know."

i wonder if my parents have completely gotten rid of the memory of me

thrown out all of my baby pictures

cut my figure out of all the christmas cards that i never smiled in

cleaned out my room and turned it into an office or a guest room that will be locked from the inside

they won't even have a grave made for me

because they never had a daughter in the first place

"what was that, Mrs. Palmer? our daughter? I'm sorry, you must be mistaken. we were never able to have children. you must be having one of your fits again. let's see about Mr. Palmer taking you home, alright?"

there will be no pictures of me in the newspaper

no reward for finding me

because the preacher's wife was barren

and why would you care to find someone

who never even existed?