fuck the closet honestly

at this point the only thing being closeted to my family is doing for me is inconveniencing me 

i know that my aunt and my sister will support me, they care about trans issues, so i have no reason to wait to come out to them anymore. there are lots of people i know who i have to be careful with my name about because they might say the wrong one to my aunt or my sister so really i truly have no reason to wait to tell them other than a fear a change. 

with my dad, im less confident because we dont ever talk about trans issues but i think the worst i can expect out of him is apprehension to changing my name since he gave it to me and all, but he hasnt never given a single shit about me being queer or presenting masculine. though i have no idea if that will change if he knows i dont believe im a girl the way he believes jt. the biggest inconvenience with him is teachers knowing my real name and making sure they sont spill the beans, also it makes me not want to bring friends to my house bc they theyll have to hear him call me my old name and it makes me stressed out to have people on opposite sides of my life interact in front of me. 

all of these problems would go the fuck away if i just got over myself and spit out the truth. i know my life will improve when i do it, but genuinely im just scared of thr process of change, and i know that will be bumpy no matter how accepting they are, thats just how it has to go. 

who knows, maybe my dad will let me legally change my name or help me get on hormones.