Philosophical post or idk

(WARNING! This blog is going to have many contradictions, please don't take it too seriously, I only speak because I want to get this out of my mind)

Well, if you're reading this, I suppose you're interested, because I'm here to tell you about some things that I talked to someone who actually didn't want to listen to me and I didn't have to keep paying attention to him, so I didn't keep talking about it, but I wanted to share it. .

I don't know how this is for you but, sometimes or all the time, don't you feel that no matter how much you do in life, it is totally boring? No matter how hard they try, they don't see why they can't entertain themselves? Well, if that's the case, it's the same for me. It's been like that for a while now, and I couldn't tell you if it's because of my chronic depression or for another cause. I feel that life has a unique splendor, which is when you are close to death, you feel the adrenaline of being so close to it but at the same time staying alive, it is like being able to see both sides and decide which one you prefer in a way which If you survive you will not forget. I feel like I sound crazy but I see it that way, thus the limbo between life and death has been portrayed, which can happen at any time. And I'm not saying that life is complicated, because really what's complicated is what you do and what others do in it. I had one of which most of the bad causes were external, and to be honest, I never thought that something like this would affect me to such a degree that I had the thought that I don't care if one day I don't wake up or if something happens to me that leave without what I have. I just stopped thinking about being afraid of something that would hunt me down sooner or later.