sleep deprivation sequel

I slept and woke back up two hours ago but I still have 10 hours to kill I could probably also best spend sleeping. I'm trying not to ruin my sleep schedule even more but at this point my chances of unruining it are about as good as winning the lottery. I'm at least trying not to do anything else that will maim my physical health too hard in the meantime, but who knows how successful I'll be as far as that goes

at some point twelve hours ago I started hallucinating knocks at the door of the office I was sitting in and kept seeing smoke rise from things I looked at for a little too long. at one point I was looking at the reflection of a door in my laptop screen and was convinced there was this swell of red light that then got replaced with thick billowing smoke outside the door and I kept staring at it until I forced myself to turn and look at the actual door and everything was completely fine

that hour-ish window of delirium was one of the scariest spaces of time I can recall in recent memory I think. and yet I'm sitting here wondering how bad it would really be to keep staying up now and go another 24-25 hours. I like myself and the world better when I'm manic and completely gone