why is it so frigging hard to talk to ppl

So. Imagine this situation.

 You're sitting in your class, desks lined up in rows. with your friends. You're on your computer. Oh, the battery's almost dead. You plug your computer into the power strip. But it's too far. The chord has no slack. So you try to bring it over by pulling on the cord. Except it's stuck on a desk. There's a kid sitting in front of you. "Hey, hey. Could you help?"

He turns his head, turns to the power strip, and unplugs your computer. What? That's mean. One of your friends goes to plug it back in and bring the power strip over. The kid says something to your friend. What a jerk.

Now, let's look at the other kids perspective.

Your sitting in your class, desks line up in rows, alone. Your on your computer. Some people behind you have their computer plugged into a power strip. They're pulling the cord back. "Hey, hey. Could you help?" Sure. You grab the strip, put your foot down on it, and unplug it. Now to get back to work. Why is one of their friends coming over. Oh shit. They're plugging it back in. Nooo no no no. They bring the power strip back to their group. You turn and talk to them. "Oh, sorry. I thought you were trying to unplug it."

"Oh, your good." 

Wait, but the guy with the computer didn't hear you. Should I tell him? No, he's too far back. Uhm. Dang it. He must think I'm a grade A jerk now. Maybe he understands. I don't wanna seem mean. What do I do...

Anyway, big reveal, I was that jerk. And I've been dwelling on it for literally an hour.

So in case you haven't what today's theme is. It's...

Duh duh duh duh! Social Anxiety!!!

Something we all have and love. Something that is literally romanticized in our generation. I'd say that I've got it but like ion wanna be all: "Oh poor me! Talking to people is so hawd. :( I'm so intwoverted... >M<."

Ion know. 

Let's start from the beginning. The Womb. 

no that's too far...

Pre-school. 

All of us in pre-school were such social butterflies. Eating dirt, scribbling on furniture, just being little rascals. I don't remember much from pre-school (obviously) but I know that I was very social. I practically knew everybody. Nothing was a problem then.

Elementary school. Not a problem either. Nobody is old enough to grasp social concepts or expectations. I know everybody in my grade and am switching groups during recess. (somewhat)

Then, bam. Middle school. Everybody's making the transition to more freedom. To a bigger school as well as bigger grades. Everybody's jumbled up in the 6th grade and nobody really knows anybody. In all honesty, 5th grade is where I peaked. And 6th grade was just the beginning of my slow decline.

6th grade we all were mingling and trying to talk to new people, 7th grade we knew everybody and bagan to really find our groups, and then 8th grade. I think we can all agree that 8th grade was the worst year. You're practically peaking in puberty, you're scared for high school, you've settled into your cliques, but I think the worst part of all was that since we were at the "top of the food chain," we all got in our heads, so some of us acted like literal narcissists and jerks.

8th grade was when I really began to develop myself and realize kind of where I fit in. I mean, I already know that I'm what's considered the quiet kid considering I barely talk to anybody, but 8th grade was crucial to my style development as well. But 8th grade was the suckiest year of all sucks. And I hated it. I regret everything about 8th grade. 

And now. 9th grade. Going into a new school. Yes, I'm aware that I'm most likely going to look back and absolutely hate who I am now, but hey. I've come pretty far. Sure I've only really made 1 new friend (kind of) but it's better then nothing. And I've tried to make an effort to talk to some new people. But even though I still suck at it, I'm getting better maybe not every day but just in little ways every now and then. And I guess that's really all that matters.