April 17th 2023 8:00 AM
Lyric: Smile ol' kid, you've got to keep it hid, you've got to laugh it off, no matter what they say, and all the people say, what's it matter anyway, cause in the end we'll all evaporate
Mood: not doing so great
I've been real absent I just. Finals have me in a fucking chokehold. Also I'm really badly spiraling down a hole of severe self destruction so that's super fun /s
I've been pulling away from all my friends and no one's. Noticed. Which is super fair bc it's finals and we're all Dealing With That but I can't help but think that no one would really notice if I disappeared one day. Like...Will would...but would anyone else? And anyway Will would find someone else, someone better. Someone who isn't literally insane maybe.
I definitely need like...help. But I can't rn. Maybe when school's done. Idk.
I got to hang with 🐝 which is cool bc they're one of my fav ppl ever. But they were in a drag show and I SHOULD'VE been there to support them but instead I was having a massive mental breakdown and I feel like shit. It's not like they were alone, the rest of our friend group was there, but we're like bffs or whatever and I should've been there. They said it was okay but...man.
I love Will and the way he genuinely cares for me makes my life so much better but sometimes he just...says the wrong thing. It's not his fault, we all say the wrong thing sometimes, and honestly a lot of the time there's no way for him to know that it was the wrong thing to say. But it still affects me. But anyway he's been extra sweet on me lately since he knows I've been going through it which is really fucking nice god I love him. Yesterday he stopped and I was like "huh what's wrong?" and he was picking up a flower to give to me 。゜゜(´O`) ゜゜。god I like him so much it's insane. Honestly just being in his arms a little makes everything better.
He took me to my fav dumpling place and we got ice cream bc he'd never been to my fav ice cream place and that's literally a travesty. He's so cute and everything is easier when I'm with him. But that doesn't change that things are so so hard otherwise. Or maybe it's just that the wrong things are easy.
Anyway progress check on my finals:
Essay 1: 90% (needs to be edited, add citations, etc but it's pretty much done)
Essay 2: 40% (4/10 pages)
Crochet project: 80% (mostly finished, just need to sew it up and then maybe I can add pretty embellishments and stuff)
Collage project: 80% (almost entirely finished)
Drawing project: 0% ToT (I literally don't even know what I'm gonna do for it)
Exams: 0% but they haven't started yet
Song: Lifetime Achievement Award by Lemon Demon
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