food trauma and my inner child

ive been hurting for my inner child lately because of stuff ny family has said to be recently

because of my autism ive always had specific ways i wanted my food and because my family never understood or respected that i ended up with trauma surrounding food, people telling me that my seemingly subjective preferences were stupid and i should ignore them, that the food i have on my plate is perfectly fine and i need to eat it or i cant go to my room, that my dad payed for this food so i better eat it or its a waste, there are people who are starving right now, that there is no need to gag and the food is perfectly fine. getting embarrassed in front of my entire extended family because the food we had at the gathering wasnt made with me in mind so i either go hungry and offend my family/let them laugh at me or force myself to gag and down it and want to cry, being treated like an idiot by having a food i didnt like be put in the container for a food i did like. 

but recently i was talking to my aunt (who played that last trick on me a few time) and my sister and they said that the cup of kraft mac and cheese wasnt nearly as good as the kraft mac and cheese from the box, something id said as long as i could eat that. i made that point to them, and my aunt apologized to my past for not understanding, she said it in a not super serious way but it actually was important to me. 

also the other day, i was at a restaurant with my dad trying an order i hadnt eaten before, and it wasnt my favorite but i kept trying it, my dad told me i didnt have to finish it. i didnt say anything to him about it because he gave me almost all of my food trauma and it would spark too long and loaded of a conversation, but that was also really important to me. 

i cant decide if i should be mad at these people for hurting the little kid i used to be, i can still feel all of it so intensely, or be glad that theyve changed and can treat me the way i should be treated about it now.