4/15/23 - Today Sucked

i need to go to sleep. i havent been sleeping because of how bad today was. i fucked things up with Day, i feel like shit, i dont know what to do. ive been sitting in silence for the past 3-4 hours doing nothing with my life except making some shitty video game on rpg maker. god, i feel like shit lmao. i got friends, i got a family, i got a good life, so why am i not happy? theres so many good things in my life, im just not happy. idk. shit sucks rn dude.

who tf am i even talking to rn? i guess its a good way to get things off ur chest by pretendin ur talkin 2 some1 else but i kinda feel a bit silly when im doin that. i like to think im talkin to a group of friends. like, theres a bunch of ppl who care about me and really want to hear about the shit i say. theyre the friends. you guys readin this rn? ur the friends i think about. i like to think theres imaginary people reading this rn and thinkin "wow, that bee sure is goin thru a lot rn, hope they feel better soon!" and ill be like "yeah thx my man thx 4 bein my friend" and then well laugh and ill remember that im not talking to anyone right now and no one will read my shitty diary because who wants to read the diary of some fucked up teenager???

not even like, a *cool* teenager with gifted talents or some bs. no, just some autistic kid who doesnt understand how to be in a classroom with other people without having a panic attack. my parents say im "gifted" and "are really smart" but cmon, theyre ur parents of course theyre gonna say that! i get horrible grades, im not that good with music or writing, i dont know what to do with my life. im an adult in 2-3 years, what am i gonna do then, huh? just live in my moms house, doing nothing with my life, writing these shitty blog posts about how i want to change but cant for some bullshit reason. god, why am i so pathetic?

gonna quote Day on this, "I think I should make a crappy poem"