Oh god please help. -Bruno

I'm sobbing my eyes out. Our grandmothers close to death, and it's been really stressful for us all. Now? Our partner system might have just lost contact with us permanently. We've known and loved them for over a year, and we have all been so happy. Now I and if I'm honest we all do but, I feel guilty because here I am shaking and crying hoping we don't lose our partner system when our fucking grandma is on her deathbed. I feel like a shit human because I should be praying for my grandma to be okay, but instead I'm here venting and crying and praying that we won't lose our partner system. I mean, how pathetic can I be? We can't lose them they mean the word to us and if we did, I know for a fact our host would fucking break down and probably attempt again. I don't want to go to the psych ward again, and I hope I'm just being dramatic, and I hope they're going to be okay. Maybe I just need to trust god and know that god will answer my prayer, but I'm so scared. I trust god I really do, but I should be praying for my grandma. I should be helping her and getting someone to get her to a damn hospital. Instead, I'm here. I am in my bed begging not to lose our lover. Please don't let me lose them. I'm dizzy, and I can't even see from how upset I am. God, please I'm screaming out for you do not let me lose them. I'd give my soul to be with them right now. Please. I'm crying for help. (10:31 pm, April.)