new prescription

i'll admit, i lie when i don't know how to explain. none of this was ever as simple as self disgust. wanting to be someone else will only ever have you sobbing up at the skyline for so long.
i don’t hate myself. i know generally, conceptually, as a person i'm alright. it’s just that my reflection has always looked back at me all mixed-up and dysphoric and wrong.
the best option these days is to drift through existence without regard for my material self. reality and i were never that close to begin with, so this does come quite naturally.
this year we’ve stationed ourselves floating somewhere in the deep waters of delusion. my lover and i will make a fortune off our art and run away to the countryside to fuse into one horrible twisted entity. my flatmates are looking to be thailand bound, i’m thinking of buying them matching booty shorts reading “GRIFT ME IN2 YOUR CULT”. this little echo chamber is growing insular and hostile. i think everyone i know needs to find someone to run away with and to leave at dawn. doctor’s orders.