Soak.. but down sip

i was meant to fear. To fear change and to overthink humans who live outside me. No one ever seems trustworthy. I feel like whoever walked past me could've kidnapped me. Like my own friends would betray me. That my partner would cheat on me. Like my own family is just against me.

 Sober, feel like im walking with half-a-self. I drink and i gain my missing half. i become who i actually am. Just a bit more klutzy than usual. If I cant shut my brain then I can sure shut another organ or two. Lungs lets say, how about a kidney? Its either a dead brain or a dead body.

 It makes me feel hugged. i sip and wonder. Another sip? And i find myself benumbed. I reconnect with my inner self as my guts get warmed up with liquor. So so warm i start boiling inside. Too fucking furious, i have so little of me left in me to control me. I dont wanna get any closer to the bottle. 

So i jump in my bathtub. I drown within the bubbles.. Soaked in.. Telling myself one thing; Soak.. Soak but dont sip.