April 11th, 2023

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my grandfathers passing. I’ve only been up for an hour and I can’t stop crying. I remember this day last year when I got the call in my dorm. My sister told me she had bad news and I automatically knew someone had passed. When she said “big papa” (our nickname for him) my heart stopped. I asked “boogaloo big papa?” and when she said yes I just started to ball my eyes out. Ever since I was 2 or 3 my big papa always called me his boogaloo. I remember when he came down from New York for my 8th grade graduation and screamed “BOOGALOOO” when I got my certificate. All my classmates started calling me it that day and although it was slightly embarrassing I didn’t mind because that’s what he always calls me. I still have the video my mom took of me walking and him yelling my nickname. I’ll watch it every once in awhile so I don’t forget the sound of his voice. My grandfather and I were really close. My older siblings and I used to always go visit him every summer. He used to take us to the park, the little bodegas, and all those little New York shops to get us toys and games. I loved going over there when I was little, my grandpa always made it fun. We’d just watch movies and he’d cook and make us laugh. He was so funny. My grandpa used to always want to dance battle or do something that would make the most important people in his life smile. Family meant everything to my grandfather. He would do anything for us and always give us the realest talks to keep our heads in the right direction. That’s what I miss most about him. His talks. Long conversations of stories, advice, lectures, never boring. There are still so many things I wanted to ask him, stories I wanted to hear, advice I wanted to ask him. I wish it wasn't so sudden. That I could have gotten to visit him at least one more time. We were planning to visit him. I miss him everyday. I cry to think he won’t be there for my graduation, or at my wedding, or meet my children but I know he’s with me in spirit everywhere I go. I’ll just feel his energy or be saved from something and just know it’s him. I started to see way more angel numbers after his passing and always say hi and that I love and miss him. As much as I know reality, I still haven’t excepted his death but am just taking it ay by day. He is forever and always in my heart.