oversharing?? never known her

i've been thinking a lot about how far removed i feel from everything and everyone around me... like i realised how aloof and distant i have been all my life, and i'm not sure how i feel about that.

i always felt like there was SOMETHING wrong with me, but once i kinda grew up and grew into my mind, i started seeing so much that was wrong by society standards?? like ok, you're a girl, you're bi, you have a fucked up attention span and know not how to manage it, you have been diagnosed with adhd & generalised anxiety disorder, AND you have been diagnosed with physical, chronically painful diseases... like ok calm down girl, you can stop being so special, just how much do you want to keep trumping your path in life??

i'm obviously joking (kinda); not that i THINK any of these are my fault... but i do FEEL that they def are on me; that i am to blame, and that i am tricking others into feeling sorry for me. like jesus christ just accept the help that some people extend unto you and ignore this shitty work-oriented culture you have been doomed to live through, is it that hard??? 

(i found it fun to categorise this as "Goals, Plans, Hopes" but ultimately didn't because maybe my fucked up sense of humour could have gotten in someone's way when searching for help and motivational stuff?? i have no clue how the internet works and it shows)