insecurities

I hate being so vulnerable. I hate how I project most of my feelings onto others and at the end feeling like nothing anyway. I hate how I am as a person, I hate how I talk to others and I hate how comfortable I get with others quick. I try being someone I’m not it’s so tiring all I want is someone who will understand me. I shut down quick and stop communicating as well. All of these are my biggest insecurities of myself. I know I shouldn’t be crying on the internet and I should instead learn to be a better person but why is it so hard? 

I never really grew up with another person to talk about my feelings with I’m very internalized and my family hates me for that. 

I never grew up learning how to state my feelings cause that is so corny for me. And every time I try doing it something goes wrong.

In the end I realize I just need to talk about it. Not to a therapist to someone who struggles with it too in the moment. 

A therapist just makes me feel mad. I’m forced to be in therapy and it just reminds me of the countless times I’ve been horrible with my family. And how I got sent to impatient. 

I know this is a temporary feeling and things will get better for me anyway. I just wish I could run away.