My Bpd Has Taken A Turn For The Worse…🪦🥀

Things have been so shitty the past year. My Bpd has taken a turn for the worst. It took me SO long to realize how bad I’ve gotten. Or maybe I knew deep down, but was just too numb to realize or care. One of the worst things is exactly that I just don’t know. I don’t know what happened or how it’s come to this. I think it took those closest to me, my own family telling me I’ve lost myself all at once. Because if it just would have been my ex, I would have just said, “Well he’s crazy. He’s just trying to manipulate me.” But it wasn’t just him telling me I’d lost it. It was my 30 year old sister, CALLING me which she NEVER calls me. (She’s so independent and always busy and not one to talk on the phone) telling me how she was extremely concerned about me, you could hear it in her voice too. Her telling me that the way I’m living is not right and deeply concerning and how she thinks I should spend the summer with her to try and get my life together.

It was also my mom and dad, and brother ALL of them telling me that they all agree. And then my dad tells me that my sister’s husband, (my brother and law) that it was HIS idea showing me that he was one OTHER of my family members to show deep concern about me. The fact that how I’ve been has had my mom even TRY to understand the concept of Bpd and to get her to see that something really could be wrong and that it could be that. Because all she has told me for years is that, “Oh but Bpd sounds really serious. You’re normal. You don’t have that. That’s what people who seriously need help have. You aren’t struggling any more than the rest of us. We all deal with the things you are dealing with and it is all normal.” It took me finding articles about Bpd online and reading about the Fp symptom as an example to my mom to get her to truly understand, and for her to tell me, “that sounds just like you” and it gave me such a relief because on the inside I thought, “yes, this is what I have been trying to get her to see this whole time. But I guess my point is that, if my mom, who NEVER would even be open to the idea that something was even wrong with me, is finally starting to even HEAR me out about it and even considering the fact that I might have it, was a sign to me that something must REALLY be wrong and I must REALLY be losing it. 

I’m losing it guys. Im doing really bad to be quite frank. 

:’)💔