dear dolores (poem)

i’m writing this letter to you, lola

i’m professing something i dared not understand

confessing and processing and several other near rhyming words

regarding our history

and the history of every body that has ever drawn breath

or so i see it

they have cast you as some cruel beast

a slim body, fit and lithe and sprawled for eyes to see

never a voice to hear, never a soul worth saving

but i walked upon you blind, utterly misunderstanding and misunderstood

and i’ve never known the sight of you

when i hear your voice i hear an echo

i hear him telling me how wonderful i look

and i hear the way the couch squealed under the slight weight of me

and i hear the prattle of all the tiny bodies surrounding me

all of them blind, blind the way i was

blind with the dark veil of innocuous innocence

and blind in a way you know so well

so i’m writing this letter to you, lo

because i want this hell to end for us

and i want this hell to end for everybody

and because i feel guilt for assuming the worst

and because i’m still confused about what i heard and did not see, dolores

and you saw it, dolores

and i want you to tell me, dolores

but alas, a corpse cannot speak