RANT

TOPIC of suicide

I hate how I am. Ever since I dealt with one of my biggest losses from someone close I've since then deteriorated. This was about 2 years ago when she took her own life and I remember being told and thinking it was a hoax. I regret all my choices. People say she's in a better place now but that makes me so angry. It doesn't make me feel better and it's just obvious pity. I have severe attachment issues so dealing without her was hell (and still is) and sometimes I even text her making me feel some sort of comfort thinking she will see it somehow. I know that is very weird to say but it's a way for me to somehow feel better. She would have been 17 by now. I never understood and thought of death and never knew how much it would affect me. I never thought of it because I was at the time 13 thinking it would never happen to me. Most humans never understand things until it happens to them. I try to keep going because every time I'm down I remember how much her suicide has affected me throughout my years, and I definitely wouldn't want that for others. Especially my parents. There are other ways to cope through things and it's a journey, yes. But you'll soon to realize that people do care for you and suicide isn't the way out. 

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