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The feeling of growing up is very strange. My childhood seems neither near nor far, but I'm trying to reach it and reclaim the times stolen from me... I still have toys, legos and "sakız sardunya" in my library.... My parents were very young and ignorant I guess I don't know but half of my childhood is theirs wasted their fights and came back as trauma. But like now, no one comes to me and says, "Are you okay?, is everything okay at home?". but now everyone wants me to tell them something. If they had helped that little girl, maybe they could have saved the current me. I could have had a family too. A normal mother, a normal father, a normal child and childhood. I always wanted to grow up fast. want to be kid now. My psychologist said that I choose people according to criteria and that I think very black and white, and if I become like this, I will be alone. I don't know why, but I think I act like this to feel safe and because of my traumas. I've never had a friend who made me feel "real" and valued, or I'm too selfish to feel that. I may be tough, reckless, and callous on the outside, but I still feel like my heart is pounding a little and I'm waiting for mother nature to take me in her arms. Little Oyku too.

no one can help me... im a lonely girl with absolut rage. i dont pity people and world anymore.