break ups: an aromantic's perspective

MAN. break ups HUH

recently i broke up with my first-ever partner (it was A Whole Thing i wont get into it lmao) but i wanted to get into something else surrounding that. i am a 'grey aromantic' (so, pretty much i am aromantic but kinda like ehhhh not too sure if i'd say like *fully*. idk. that stuff is complicated lol). anyway, upon breaking up with my ex-girlfriend about a month ago, who was the only person i had ever dated AND the only person i'd had a crush on/any real romantic interest in, a very heavy feeling set in (like, aside from the feeling of ruining a five-year-long friendship and a seven-month-long romantic relationship and breaking up *badly* with someone i loved very deeply like MAN that hurt). i realised that i didnt know if i would ever love again, or, like, how long it would take for me to find love again. like, not feeling a great amount of romantic attraction is a bit of a bummer to me, considering how amazing being in love felt, like, i really want to feel that kind of like?? joy? again but i just dont know. and it made me really sad that while so many other people my age (im sixteen lol) are out there doing Teenage Romance Things i might never experience that in my teen years again lmao (especially since im both aromantic AND a lesbian in a *vastly* cishet environment). and i know that 'teenage romance' isnt a big deal lmao and i def have plenty of time to fall in love after the age of fucking NINETEEN lmfao, i just feel like im missing out a bit, and this type of thing is just rly rubbing salt into the wounds of my already painful break up lmao. (im also quite aware that The Mystique Of Teenage Romance is verryyyyy much rooted in sales tactics of shitty teen movies lmao, but even considering that logic doesnt stop me from feeling upset about this dumb shit lmao)

anyway, there's ur dumb lil rant, hope it wasnt *too* petty and annoying, thanks for holding out thru this block text if u made it this far as well

anyway, love u reader, take care