manic

My feelings for you, are always what upsets me the most, I'm someone who falls for someone who shares the smallest affection towards me. I stand by them and always sit with them when no one else is willing. I, someone who is always spreading my sweetness around, have never received a kind of sweet nectar in my life. I’ve craved the souffle feeling of love on my tongue I prayed for my lover to feed me soon, but the knowledge I hold of knowing someone like you would hurt me so, for you to starve me and hide away from me. Not only does it hurt, but it hurts knowing that you my precious someone once said you'd hold onto me, and love me forever and eternity. Out of everyone who would have the nerve to hurt someone like me. I'd least expect you to be the one to softly hold the knife inside me, It hurts, and I can't cover such a wound. I felt my heart tugging for a moment, grasping everything left that I could see wanting the warm feeling of someone's arms wrapped tightly around me. I won't forget how hard I sobbed tightly holding onto my pillow for nights and nights. My mind has made misconceptions for myself, as a way of protection or some kind of misleading happiness. Some have said when you’re sad your body makes you laugh as a way to cheer you up, but some would say that its some form of insanity to laugh during a sorrowful moment, but rather everyone feels a power manic inside of them at any point in their lives, there's always a stage of where they feel so helpless and so low into the ground they could never dig their way back up. It's not fun, and it never is. The feeling of losing everything together your mind is scrambled. Picking yourself up isn't an option, your route is left into fate's hands if you don't try, but you always try and try and try and try and try and try and try and yet, you still never get back up again. Until a light shimmers slowly to your darkness, letting you see how beautiful your manic is, letting you conquer it and never fearing what is it. Your manic is you, and hence you fear your manic you never live to see that glowing signal. If something so adverse can turn you as a person into someone so admirable, how is it did you escape? The answer isn't with me, the answer is for you to find, within your own walls.

- love, 99