Are we still alive? - blog #3?

Hi all! 

It's been some time since I've been on here.

Life's been, steady. Too steady for my liking I guess. The past 2 years I was grinding out college for a degree I never got, was a cook at a Michelin star rated restaurant (lots of stories from there if you're interested.), and was working on commercials as a PA in between trying to get my foot in the door taking jobs that I really shouldn't have given the pay. All while driving a Honda Civic I couldn't afford to restore like I thought I would.

That being said, I was busy. Life consisted of throwing myself into everything to create a better situation for myself and the people I love. 

In the end my hours were cut, the calls from my colleague stopped coming in. Which admittedly was the result of me being a hard worker without considering the social component of getting into the industry. While I wouldn't change the experiences for the world, It didnt bring me any closer to total independence which is being able to move out from the room I rent 

As a person born from immigrant parents, time being "wasted" is a worse fate than to not have done anything at all. I believe that that is where this is all coming from.

Going from standing in front of two 350 degree ovens in a cramped kitchen, working all night until closing. and getting home at around 11:00PM only to see my partner fast asleep because they have to be up early for their shift. To working 9-5 in IT. 

Fruit carts, coffee machines, offers to have your car washed by someone else, not on my feet for more than two hours a day on a normal week, and of course PTO and benefits. 

Despite the dramatic and plentiful change, I feel like I've fallen.

I guess its time I learn to heal. To be okay with my own presence, to wrangle the thoughts that have been on the backburner since 2020, to be able to slow down, to be at my own pace, to look up instead of having my face down in the work that I believed I needed to do.

If you read this and don't know me, or maybe someone on my list and would like to. 

Reach out.

I believe to welcome someone with open arms and to listen, really listen to what they have to say is crucial to us now. Its the rule that these ad-driven, attention fueled social medias profit off of, and its admittedly why I came here in the first place. If you need to reach out to someone like me, then do it. the only thing I'd ask from anyone is to be true to themselves when talking. 

Its been years since I've put this much thought into writing. I guess its been needing to come out for a while now. 

Thank you for your time.