ADHD Journey 2

I love that moment when something small that someone says changes your life a bit. In good ways I mean, ofc.

My bf was asking me about when I was going to actually do this project I told him about a few months ago, where I could use fabric from old clothes to make him plushies of phantoms from animal jam. I have this thing where I don't let myself work on projects unless I complete THIS slightly relating thing. So I tell him that I didn't want to work on that until after my living space is more organized because I felt bad about the mess those projects make. 

And hes like, "you don't have to do ALL of these things just to let yourself do this one thing perfectly."

It's seems like it would be such an obvious thing for other people but I don't think it really clicked for me until he said it. I will put small things off for months because I'll tell myself that I can only do these things once I reach this certain 'milestone'. Like, I can't work on this project I can totally do right now unless I finish this, this, and this first. I have to unlock it like its a game level or smth >.>.

And that witholding habit never works out for me because my adhd ass doesn't work that way. I'm unlearning a lot of bad habits I forced on myself as a way to 'punish' myself into focusing. Which didn't help. Now I can't focus AND I have eating and sleep issues. And now I'm realizing this is another one of those internalized issues to work thru. whoops.