Devouring Brimstone III

...And what a meal it was. Though I often engage in a healthy amount of self-felicitation, I must aggrandize myself even further tonight. A feast like a whirlpool of profound flavor, accented by an enchanting appearance and coronated by a subdued, yet decadent spice! If you were to share even a modicum of the enjoyment I found in that meal, then it would elate my mood to a level of exultation heretofore unseen and unfelt by any other who has had the blessing of experiencing this magnificent pleasure we call life! 

As proof of my gratitude towards you for joining me in this rendezvous under the moonlit night, I shall share with you a secret I have always kept close to my dark, villainous heart, and you shall drink deep the impermissible knowledge of the forbidden. ...I... haven't always been partial to spicy food... In fact, I can hardly stand spice whatsoever... Yes, I know, it is surely hilarious to you, and likely even pathetic to a certain degree, that your sinister and menacing future dark lord cannot handle a feeble burning sensation arisen from naught but a few miniscule ingredients. In truth, my bosom was filled to its absolute limit with relief when I had learned the truth surrounding your tastes... 

Why do I insist on eating such spicy food if I cannot handle it? How bold of you to claim that I cannot handle spice! How bold indeed! If you were anyone else, you'd be facing the tip of my legendary Dark Blade Mystletainn! The fact that I was born with a cursed, hidden weakness to spice is but one of the few flaws that obstructs my journey to lordship. However, flaws are becoming of one who seeks to live amongst his subjects, so perhaps it is a blessing in disguise...? Regardless of the positives of the matter, this weakness has had no small impact on my life... When I was younger, in what you could consider my teenage years, I had a close friend. Together, we'd engage in competitive comradery, in order to discover which of us was stronger. Ever a winner, I scarcely found myself taking any losses against him, until... ...Well, you can see where the tale leads, can you not? ...We sat together in the soldier's cafeteria halls and consumed what must have been many times our body weight in food, in order to see who could eradicate the contents of our plates the fastest. I was clearly in the lead, as you may have imagined, until the spicy shawarmas revealed themselves to us... 

It was naught but a few minutes into this gladiatorial punishment of spice until I was left with no other option but to give into my debility, and surrender my very first loss unto him. Though I had been defeated nobly, I became determined to have my revenge one day, and he ensured that he would never fall behind in our flame-enshrouded war between friends. Together, we ate spicier and spicier food, until one or even both of us were left bedridden, in what could have been, in hindsight, an exaggerated reaction to a stomachache. 

Come to think of it, it's been quite some time since we last parted ways... I'm certain that no matter what fate befalls him, he will find the sovreignity harbored deep within his soul, and use it to return home. When that day comes... I wonder who will emerge victorious between us... Tell me, do  you have any predictions?