really not sure if i'm ever gonna come back

Hey! so...

i've been gone for about 5 months. i want to talk about why.

• i discovered i have OCD. i have some compulsions and obsessions that cause me very serious distress and suffering. someone screenshotted my account for a "spacehey out of context" blog, and even though they weren't necessarily making fun of me, it upset me a lot. i'm not mentioning the details of what happened because it'd need trigger warnings, but basically. i was not ok.
• this made it... very hard to feel Safe posting on this website.
• i think i feel more positive about posting here now, but i'm still not really sure if i'd ever like to come back. this account was also very connected to my interaction with the Neocities community, and i'm not very comfortable with that community anymore. i have no screenshots or anything because i left in a panic, but i left the Yesterweb discord server after having severe anxiety over people excusing proshippers in there. (i don't actually know the mod opinion on this. i can't think about it much.)
• something else happened in the past that's made me very uncomfortable online and has made it hard to be in the Neocities-adjacent community. cw for self harm mentions and anti endogenics. https://carrd-and-blog-resource.tumblr.com/tagged/discourse-tw i don't have a link to the full callout post i wrote, which also pointed out them misgendering me and harassing other people. i don't really want to go look. but tdlr, an anti endogenic triggered me on purpose and then made fun of me when i mentioned the incident caused self injury.