whatever f4o

i want to see how long i can stay here how long it takes for my family to give a shit i predict that if i ifnore them, they will take my phone. then after that i will still be the same i didnt need music or phones or hsit i feel disgusting i am disgysting and i dont think i can leave bed and im fucking back here again and im fuckung done with it my body is weird and disgusting and i cant see and i cqn feel my heart beat i can hearb it i can hear a sharp ringing all the time i can ignore it but i notice it this whoke thing is stupid yk just cuz i feel like shit then im gonna make others feel like shit just by existing i anuisance and i cqnt explain it so then maybe she was right maybe there is someone in my head and i need to be let go the devil is in me like mom said she didnt say that i told myself that because its all so silly and insignificant and this text wont mayter tomorrow because ill either feel the same or different and i always feel differenr thats how i am maybe thats why im faking this whole thing im so blaaaghg for nothing just because im not real people are faking you have to  a good person you dont make any fuckinf differences do you think he really thought it was valuable no the fuck you really thought you did all that and it will amount to nothing because what i do does not make a difference im not their for my friends im not a good family member im and its always i i and im 

that is fucking selfish i am less than im not any better than the next

i will look back on this and say how stupid i think but it feels real my brain loles tl tell