untitled

you know that she doesn’t need you.

and you can post this guilt free,

because she will never read this.

she doesn’t need you.

remind yourself this every time you tell her you love her and she says “ok” in response.

remind yourself this every time you listen to her rant and then sit in silence as she doesn’t care about your day enough to dig a little deeper.

it’s not like she understands what always being tired feels like.

she doesn’t know what you mean.

she doesn’t know how you feel.

she doesn’t care.

she doesn’t need you.

remind yourself this every time you write something you’re proud of and want to send it to her.

remind yourself that she doesn’t care.

this time it isn’t just paranoia.

you know she doesn’t care.

but you need her.

more than the stars need a night sky to light up.

more than a guitar needs strings.

but she needs you as much as a nun needs sex.

they don’t.

she needs you as much as the desert needs rain.

it doesn’t.

those plants, those geckos, they could live without you forever.

she doesn’t need you.

she needs what you can give her,

but she can get that from anyone.

remind yourself of everyone else that could make her happier.

that could do more for her.

remind yourself of the men and the women that could hold her.

remind yourself of all the shoulders she could have.

she didn’t choose you because you’re special.

she chose you because you were accessible.

if anyone else wanted her as much as you want her she would have picked them over you.

you know that.

so why do you need her?

why can’t you just convince yourself you don’t need her?

why can’t you love her like you loved the others?

why haven’t you stopped loving her?

because she can sleep well without you.

she can eat well without you.

she doesn’t crave a hug from you,

she just craves a hug.

it’s not you.

it never was.

it never will be.

you’re being used like a drug.

abused like a drug.

but soon your needle will be empty,

and she’ll need another fix.

she’ll move on to another dealer.

she’ll find someone else.

you know it.

and it’s pathetic that you know you’d pick up every time she called.

don’t turn your ringer on, she won’t call.

don’t put you phone next to your pillow, she won’t text.

she doesn’t need you.