1.4

23

Here I am again,
on this website pouring out small intimate parts
of my life.
I'm bored right now.
4 days ago now I tested positive for COVID, and if
I'm being honest - I haven't been awake for 98%
of it.
I've shown all the symptoms, and I don't think I'd mind
passing away from it. 
It doesn't feel like it's gonna end my life. 
I'm just putting that out there - I wouldn't mind.

COVID did ruin my plans though..
We were supposed to spend the weekend together at his
house. Not even 24 hours notice and I'm told to take 
a RAT test.
Boom. - Plans ruined.
He wants to reschedule for this sunday though, I'm
a bit excited he's getting keen to see me too.
I think it's been a while since someone actually cared.
My trust is still in scatters but how will I mend it ever
again if I don't allow it to rebuild?
He's so nice.
and warm.

I'm so scared to fall in love again. What if it's all a sick
joke on me?
Why do I have to think like that? Like I'm not worth it>?

I guess we're still figuring that out.

xx