Vent

i hate being so self aware of my feelings. Cus like ik what im thinking is dumb and not true but i still some part of me over rules that and thinks "but what if?" I genuinely hate venting in places like this it brings back so meny bad memorys of my past and a time that was not good but at the same time i need somewhere to express my feelings some empty void of knowing people may see this or they might not. Its calming knowing im not pushing all my thoughts on one person. But i hate feeling guilty about how i feel and ruin any respect anyone had for me. Cus i wanna be this innocent cute girl that everyone loves and protects and loves and includes in everything. But my stupid brain ruins it every time. Cus ill let my mouth run and end up making people uncomfortable and i hate it i hate it so much I hate being this broken person. Cus i know im broken i know im falling at alot of things i know im needy i know i crav affection 24/7 ik people arnt good for me but i still try i still watch it brake me more an more till im nothing but a grain of sand on a beach....