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Category: Life

[Vent] It's Been A Day


The days started off relatively nice, I suppose, there was an artist's alley on campus and I got some stickers and a black cat rug, it was so awesome I had to get it. I'm a sucker for anything black cat. It was super humid though, which I despise, and I was alone the whole time. Which isn't new necessarily but I hadn't been at a campus event alone in a while and I don't know, I'm just lonely nowadays in general. Feels silly to be ambling around alone between groups of people talking and laughing together.
Things got worse when I went to go put my new items in my car, then go to my psychology lab I work in. I got a message from a friend I've kept in touch with from high school asking if I'd "heard the news." I decided to text back in my car so I could just sit in my AC, and turns out someone I was in jrotc with (for non-Americans: this is a high school program that is funded by the U.S. military and you wear uniforms, do leadership and life skill training, and some other random shit depending on what branch it's associated with,) had died. She had gone into the army after high school and there was a helicopter accident that happened during training. And it sucks, because she was so nice. Being openly transgender in JROTC, niceness wasn't guaranteed, and she was the nicest one of them. We were in the same flight/class my junior year and though we didn't really hang out one-on-one we were in the same friend groups. But so, I was sitting there in my car, not knowing what to do with this information, and decided I just needed to go home at least for a little bit before doing anything else.
Once I got back to my apartment I sent condolences to her mom, who I think is back living in the Philippines, where they're from, and I just sat there. Talked with a couple people from high school who also were in jrotc and knew her. Actually ended up tearing up and crying a little bit mostly just because I was pissed off it was so unfair. Bluntly? There were people in jrotc who I would have heard died, and shrugged. There is one guy in particular I hoped would go and fucking die (he SA'd a friend and said I should be "gassed like the jews"). But of course nothing happens to any of them. The one person who deserves it least gets killed through the US Military's incompetence. And it was incompetence, too. It was a giant crash, 9 people died. They're conducting an "internal investigation" into it. And it's not the first time those same helicopters in that same area have crashed.
A little while later I finally went to my psych lab, felt kind of slow, and later on the names of those killed in that crash, including the person I knew, were made public so more people found out. Went back home and ate and now just... ugh. I already felt kinda terrible and alone and now just more stuff sucks. Must the world punish all that is good? I'm glad I'm alive, I suppose, or at least that would be a good takeaway from this. But instead everything feels like it's telling me it's all worthless.


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