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Ada told me she's dating someone. I already suspected it, but I didn't know for sure.
She says she loves her, but she doesn't seem any happier. She is the same old sad Ada. Maybe it's because they've already known each other for so long, so that's why there's no initial excitement phase. The girl is nice: she likes rain, and her mental illness power level is way higher than mine; she has schizophrenia.
It's both devastating and relieving. Ada and I have been in a romantic limbo for over a year. Personally, I like living in a state of uncertainty, in a world of meaningless implications. It has been painful for both of us. I like the pain, but I feel bad for her. I wished many times that she would date someone else and move on. She's finally done it. It's good, but it sucks, of course.
I'll have to stop pretending to flirt with her now. It's going to be hard cause I no longer know what is and isn't sexual.
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diogenes
ah, i get this. I really get this. It feels like being left behind, in a way. If it was painful for the both of you, it wasn't meant to be, unless something changed. Something didn't, so it ended. That's a statement that applies to pretty much every romantic relationship I've been in. I know you say that you like the pain, but maybe what you like is feeling close to her, feeling like she cares about you, no matter how painful it is. I think this doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you anymore, and this isn't a replacement to you. Things have changed, but nothing is ruined. I can't say that I know she still cares about you, not like that though, but I can hope for you that she cares about you as a friend. As for the sexual shit, god. Yeah that's a problem for me too. Flirting in general can get quite messy when both of your feelings are on the line and there are other matters at play. It takes a lot of time for that to heal. I hope it gets easier quicker for you