one must imagine sisyphus happy

The last time was supposed to be the last time but i guess that's never true, is it? a lie to both of ourselves rather than each other. I'm tired, you're tired, but this is the last time.

it's hard to watch. it's harder to look away. I like to think i got out of the game but I'm still here, betting on losing horses with fresh saddle sores.

I guess it's addictive like that. the sunlight in the seconds between falling and hitting the bottom. The other lie we tell ourselves that maybe this time will really truly be the last time.

it never is and it never will be and the sun will always set and rise and set and rise and yet for some reason we think there's a chance it won't.

it's not failure, what we do. it's simply the Hill.

i look forward to seeing apollo again.