vent mabye idk TwT

I just wanna be a cutsie soft girl but my stupid brain ruins it!!!!!!!!!!! cus I have bpd and I, for the most part, am very nice and sweet BUT every so often ill become super mean and weird and gross AND I HATE IT !!!! IT'S LIKE I HAVE MOUTPLE PERSONALITIES AND I HATE IT I JUST WANNA BE A  CUTE SOFT INNICONT GIRL DX<