I feel like I have nothing worthwhile to say and it's fucking me up

I feel incredibly isolated. My opinions on basically.... everything... are so different from the others around me at school (and I have basically no life outside of school - thanks helicopter parents!) 

It would be okay to have different opinions... if I were eloquent. But I'm not. My vocal prosody is stuttery and childish with poor volume control. Every time I try to speak, people actively shit on me. I seem way dumber than I am (or maybe I just think I'm way smarter than I am). Either way, it's shit. 

A good example is how in English we had to debate about TikTok and I spoke up (basically saying that TikTok encourages people to exploit their mental instability for content/children being exploited) and then someone accused me of basically being a pedo because "that stuff only shows up on your fyp if you interact with it" and everyone laughed. I know I sound overly sensitive but it adds up when little aggressions like this happen every day for most of your short life.

It doesn't help that all these people have known me for the 10 years since I've entered the hell known as the American Public School System (tm) and I was, and still am, a whiny little dipshit. Except I'm stupid. I feel dull*. I can't express anything I think.

I can't write fast. At least, I can't write fast if I know someone else is going to read it, or if I'm going based off of a prompt. It takes me double time to write an LEQ for AP euro than everyone else, and even then, I always get Cs or Ds. The fact my AP euro teacher shits on my writing with no specific criticism makes me feel like my views on things are invalid, even though he's probably just dissing the format. 

I can't write compositions for English class either. I physically can't. 

This spills over into my regular life. "Life" in quotations. I have no life. 0 friends. Nada. Zilch. (I'm not even quiet. I just get shat on whenever I talk so I try not to, but I still say words.) The only thing I have is writing. I'm afraid to write now, though, because I feel like anything I have to say is of inherently lower quality than someone who actually experiences life and socially functions like a normal human being. 

I haven't created** "art" in a long time ----> ("art" in quotations because everything I ""make"" is shit)

*I sound more eloquent on here because I make an effort to use big words to sound smarter than I am. But trust me - literally anyone else can think faster than me. And their worldview is less skewed because they actually have real life experience interacting with others. I think I've only had about 8/9 "friends" in my life (people who tolerated me) and 1 person who actually had me as their first choice. That was nice. She replaced me for some dipshit girl on the basketball team.

**"created". All I've been doing is **consuming** art/content for like, the last several months instead of making anything. And not invested consuming. More like the doom-scrolling equivalent of one of those people that preserve lost media. 

This makes me think in quotes. I do not like to think in quotes, because then the quotes get chopped up in the blender that is my brain and get unceremoniously spat out into whatever shitty poem/story/song I finally attempted to write. I actually somehow accidentally stole the phrase "self-righteous suicide" from fucking SYSTEM OF A DOWN. CHOP SUEY BY SYSTEM OF A MOTHERFUCKING DOWN.

I just wish I could be original for once.