why does it hurt so much?

you need to break the shell of your childhood, the cocoon. to find out ho you really are, to become your most authentic, genuine self. the last bits of my cocoon shattered when i was 15. but since then, i still feel something breaking. must i also break the bones of who i am, my most authentic self? or are these blows each breaking me into pieces smaller and smaller. until im at the point of no return. or will i break out again, feel the shredding i dreaded since i was young. whenever the change was coming , i could feel the land tearing away from me  the land i love. please dont forget who i am, incase i become more beautiful, or incase i die uglier and more broken. like wedding china, a glass doll, a home burned down