a semi-brief sorta-poem about the experience of needing to fight for your right to legally live

you live for pain, you always have

it keeps you safe

it lets you know you never are

busted lip, bruised rib

you want to die proud, fast

to know the world was not meant for you

to make them all see what they did

you want them to hurt like you do, like they made you

you want to give back what you got, every ache and pain

every screamed name and dredge of fear for existing where they did not want you

you can’t imagine a world where somebody loves you/and i can’t imagine a world where i don’t

twisted ankle, broken nose

we’ve both been on a warpath for righteousness

a need since the first time the world reared it’s ugly head 

and showed that people like us were not meant for longevity

die proud, fast, in flames

make sure they remember your name, your knuckles bruised, your eyes tear-filled and wild

you want to show them how they created

a revolutionary out of a scared boy

hand to hand, hurt to hurt

new names on old pains, scribbled over the labels

tear it open every night, stick on a new seal by morning

you look at me like you might love me

i can’t bring myself to meet your eyes

i think about famous revolutionaries though history. activists, fighters

i wonder if this is how it always goes

if there's always people left behind, 

people the history books will never see

i wonder if they'll know i loved you first

fingernail marks in your arm, a crack in my voice

when i imagine you

i always imagine you leaving,

i cannot think of you 

turning towards me to stay

every door you open is to leave, to run

you never grab my hand and take me with you

you won’t tolerate someone wanting you to stay, it weighs you down

too much commitment, too much distraction

all i ever wanted was for you to leave the door open a crack

and to let me follow of my own volition

the door shuts, final

i stay where i stand, alone