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A friend asked me to give them a reason not to drink themselves to death. I told them it probably wouldn't work and would only make things worse, and I suggested something they could do instead to feel better and deal with their problem. They responded, "this is bs".
I can't disagree with them, but isn't all advice in these situations BS? As far as I know, these are all the options:
1.Convince them they are exaggerating the problem even though they never are.
2.Give them some practical but unrealistic advice.
3.Tell them what a great person they are when they are not.
4.Act like you are comforting them by saying things meant to be soothing, but do nothing to address the cause of their suffering. If you do this successfully, they will come back to you every day asking for help, and in the end, if they get better or take their own life, you will have made no difference.
5.Do some obnoxious tough love stuff where you judge them or tell them you don't care and make them feel even worse for no reason.
6.Tell them to be strong without telling them where to draw the strength from.
7.Tell them to put themselves in the hands of a God they don't believe in.
Usually, I can do 4, but I didn't know how this time. I don't tend to be this cold, nor do people tend to respond badly. She texted me again half an hour later, but I haven't answered. I don't want to risk making things worse. I can't think of any way to make them better.
By the way, this is not the friend I talk about in my previous blogs. All my friends want to die.
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diogenes
I have some more options that I go to, I don't really do any of these.
for me, I often offer to listen, listen to it all, to try and get them help, to make things better. I spend myself dry trying to let them know that I'm there, that I care about them, that someone still cares about them. Often times I push myself too far, and I emotionally can't handle the strain of trying to support them by any means necessary.
If I were to get to choose what I do, instead of always acting so instinctively, here's what I would try. I would tell them that they arn't alone, that I'm here. I can't make it go away, but I can be by their side through the pain. And if they ever feel like giving up, they can always tell me, and that I will be strong enough to take the steps to save them. Which means, but you don't have to tell them although its implied, finding authorities and getting them to the hospital. Don't threaten or force, offer and show them that you love them. That's what I think is the most that you can do. The hardest lesson to learn for me somedays is that I can't carry someone else's burden, even if I wanted to