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Untangling some thoughts.
When you have trauma, depression, anxiety, and ADHD (and possibly autism, or at the very least, sensory processing disorder), it can be really easy to let certain things get away from you, especially when it comes to regular self-maintenance tasks.
Hygiene is the biggest one.
(Aside from nourishing yourself with food and water, I can't really think of what the other daily self-maintenance things would be. I guess physical activity would be one? And taking care of your home/environment?)
It sucks because I already have a poor self-image as it is, and I feel like it would be much better if I actually put in the time and effort to wash my hair regularly and do my makeup, or at the very least, keep up with my skincare.
The lack of care that I give to myself makes me feel repulsive and unworthy and it makes me pull away from my partner, which then damages our connection.
I want to put more effort into these things, and perhaps I could, but then there's the other element to this -- it's uncomfortable.
Getting in and out of the shower when it's cold, putting on lotion so your skin doesn't get scaly or ashy, drying off, having hair and lint stick to you, it's all so uncomfortable!
And if I wash my hair, scrub my body, do skin care (face and body), and then style my hair, that takes a whole hour. A whole hour I could have spent doing something more enjoyable.
Not to mention if I want to epilate that day (shaving always feels Bad). That's another half hour, at least.
If I want to be closer to my partner and feel better about myself, I need to either 1. Get comfortable with not being pristine or 2. Get into the habit of being uncomfortable so that I can feel clean and presentable.
There are little things I do here and there to be a human. I keep myself smelling fresh, I brush my hair and keep it up, I wash and moisturize my face. This helps me get by between showers. But it doesn't make me feel desirable. It just makes me slightly more acceptable to be in public or in the presence of another person.
But aside from that, I have no intrinsic motivation to take care of myself in that way, on a regular basis. Honestly, having to go out when I work and being in a relationship are the only things that are keeping me from losing myself entirely.
If I exclusively worked from home and didn't have a romantic partner, I would absolutely let myself go.
How do I find the intrinsic motivation to take care of myself? I guess I do feel better when I'm fully clean and fresh, but it doesn't outweigh the discomfort of going through the whole process.
Honestly, if I had the money, I would just go to the hair dresser every few days to get my hair done. I could easily shower with a hair cap every other day if I wanted to.
There are so many things that would be more accessible if the resources were available.
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Ime
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That’s why we are depressed…things are so bad right now.
free haircare for all!!!!!!
by SaturnianPisces; ; Report
this!!!!
by ~
Ime
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Heliko
Something that helps with my hygiene situation is scheduling it, but my brain likes a strict routine and once I’ve committed to something (even just to myself) I HAVE to do the thing xD;
But! If it helps any, you can theoretically go about a week sometimes two between washing your hair as long as you’re not getting particularly sweaty! The important parts really washing your body cause that tends to get dirty faster.
Oh, I also turn up my heat right before I get into the shower so it’s still warm when I get out. I just turn it back down once I’m dry (cause I’m cheap)
by Heliko; ; Report
Ya see, that’s where the ADHD overpowers the potential ‘tism
im not necessarily of the pathological demand avoidance type, but I have tried and failed many times over the years to create any kind of schedule for myself.
What is more likely to work, however, is systems. If I can get myself working up a sweat, I’m more likely to be willing to get in the shower.
And true! I do have a space heater. On really cold days I’ll stick it in my bathroom and turn it on. Or I’ll turn it up really high in my living room/ bedroom so I have a more pleasant atmosphere to walk into once I’m done.
But even with all that in place!! I still hate it and avoid it so much lmao
Only thing that keeps me going is spot-cleaning my pits at the sink
by SaturnianPisces; ; Report
Oh what about a reward system of some kind? It didn’t work when I tried (I got a piece of candy when I did an annoying task I’m prone to putting off) but it might work for different sorta brain!
I’m also resistant to full day schedules but my tism will accept “x has to happen on Thursday” or “I’ll be late for work if I don’t finish y by 1pm”
by Heliko; ; Report
haha reward system. nah. i'm trying to make the "feeling clean and comfortable and desirable" the reward in and of itself. i do enjoy taking foot baths after a shower, so that's something i'm looking forward to. maybe a glass of wine. right now i'm playing wind waker and pokemon (at the same time) while listening to a youtube video, soooooooooooooooooooo uhhhhhhhhhh
i could also play music while showering, but our walls are thin and my bathroom is close to the hall. and there's a woman staying in the air b&b next to my unit. if i could sing while showering, i would probably do it waaaay more
by SaturnianPisces; ; Report
All the things! Also, as an fellow apartment dweller with a shower right next to the hall, sing and do music all you want xD This is the cost everyone pays for living in an apt! I listen to dogs barking and babies crying at all hours, they can listen to my shower music in the middle of the day!
by Heliko; ; Report
true!!!!! you have a very good point. dogs aren't allowed in our building and there are no babies or children here (thank god) and everyone is really quiet, but i will be the one to give everyone an authentic co-habitation experience!!!!
by SaturnianPisces; ; Report